I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
