I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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