so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
