just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
