i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
