she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
