I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
