So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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