I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
