so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize