Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he's single and there are thong briefs.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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