idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
