That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
we should paint friendship bongs
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
