9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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