walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
