now i know why i became what i already was.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
