after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
