yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
