So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
