i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
