You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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