I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
