Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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