screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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