Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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