hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
