I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
