Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
