she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize