You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
