Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
