you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
