I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You pole danced in your parka.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
