its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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