Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
