my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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