I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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