Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
