She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
