hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
