R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
