guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
