i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
