I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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