You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is wine microwaveable?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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