piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I currently don't understand fingers.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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