I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
