My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This is classic penis vs brain.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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