You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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