He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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