honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
