You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
