Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
