I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This house was built for laser tag.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
