Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
