i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
