Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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