So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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