Dude my mom stole all your condoms
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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