like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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