somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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