I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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