So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
