please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
