I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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