So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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