my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
