I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
