No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
