im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
