yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
